Strength TogetHER 13 - Session 6

September 10, 2021

To stay quiet is to stay suffering.

One of the most important topic is Sexual Harrasment. We have heard, seen and been a victim once in our lifetime. Female of any age has been a victim at least once in her life. Some choose to speak, some are scared to speak and some are unaware that they are being sexually harassed. Our sixth session was based on the topic. The participants were very involved in this topic sharing their personal experiences related to it. There are many aspects in this topic, most of them we covered.

For today's session we had Tejaswita Kharel as our moderator. She is currently working as a lawyer in Kathmandu. As a lawyer she seeks  to help increase the need for legal literacy in Nepal on various matters and more so, On matter relating to women rights and fundamental rights. She advocates for the need of qualitative and accessible legal aid to victim of sexual harassment and violence against women. For the session we had around 20 participants in the session

Session started with a greeting from the coordinator and introduction of the moderator and all the participants. And without any further delay we started with our first speaker. She shared multiple sexual harassment incidents with us. The first incident she shared was with her mama. She has a NRN mama who just came to Nepal. He came inside her room when she was sleeping. When she woke up, she caught him staring at him and nervously greeted her mama, and he hugged him in an improper way. She ignored this but after 2/ 3 days he came half naked to her room when she was alone. She sensed that his intentions were not right as he was drunk too. So she ran to the kitchen and called her mom and till then maintained distance. Her mom came and the mama was never let inside the house. The second incident she shared was in public vehicles, boys rubbing their private parts on her and people following her with bad intentions. Another traumatizing incident with her was his so-called brother trying to harass her. Her long distance boyfriend’s family with whom she was very close had a brother. He lived abroad and had come to Nepal. She decided to celebrate New year with her brother, and she was a bit tipsy too. When they came home, the brother tried to rape her and she ran out of the room and shouted for help. At that moment everybody saved her from that brother, but after a few days his mom called and said very inappropriate things to her. After the incident she became introverted and now she is trying to be the old her. 

The moderator to this said that victim blaming has become very  common in our society. No matter what men do, women have to follow the rules like no short dresses, come home before it's dark and many more. Our society has just carved that women are to be blamed no matter what inside their brain. Even when we need support from our family, the family blames girls or questions them first before anything else. Let’s hope the next generation will not do such a thing.

Our second speaker shared an incident about her sister, who became brave when she was on the verge of being harassed. It was in a public vehicle, a boy was trying to touch her private parts but she scolded the boy and he was kicked out of the bus. It was very inspiring to her. Another speaker added the victim blaming incident she saw, when a girl went out with her boyfriend and met with an accident and died. The society blamed her. Our another speaker also added about marital rape in our society. Moderator to this said Nepal’s law has recognized it but the situation is very difficult to prove. Eventually she gets blamed for everything and also she suffers and her children. There are many cases where it is difficult to prove things when society itself is not aware of it. They get scolded and also when a girl gets raped she is married to that person or someone other by hiding that she has been raped. Law is neutral but in cases like these it takes time for the process.

Our last  speaker added that predators are most of the time someone that you know. Physical touch is not only sexual harassment but verbal abuse is also a sexual harassment.

Moderator concluded the session by saying a few things. Verbal abuse, physical touch, sexual comments on clothing comes under sexual harassment. When someone files a case, it is not victim vs harasser but it’s always governor vs harasser.  224 is the section for sexual harassment and in camera proceeding the victim’s name is not revealed in the court. When someone speaks about sexual harassment, people blame us instead and silent us. It's a topic which should be discussed so that the victims can bravely come out and speak. Society needs to change their mindset regarding different things and victim blaming is one of the most important, which will also decrease the rate of harassment. Victims are often said to be attention seekers and get scolded badly. We have seen many examples of it too. Now, how do we deal with harassment? We can use various tactics against them such as hitting them with our elbow, if they can pretend they didn’t touch us then so can we. Staring back also can do the work. It is very difficult to defend yourself from the equipment. Legal system has always been supporting us but society has been pulling us behind. We may not be able to do rallies every time harassment takes place but I can bring changes in my personal life. The main issue seen in the  parent’s mindset. We can try to explain them gradually. Legally we are not behind. Nepal’s law is good enough if we have a good society. We can locally make changes. Even if you can’t do it in a big scale, at least we can make changes around us. Women are always blamed for things that they should not be blamed for. This leads to trauma. Many cases we hear these days about female children being a victim and that is heart wrenching.

Our session ended with this. All the participants fully participated and I hope this session has bought at least a small braveness in them.

Written by - Sambriddi Karki (Cohort Coordinator)